1 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:08,904 (ORGAN VERSION OF JERUSALEM PLAYING ON RADIO) 2 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:49,836 Ellen. 3 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,647 Ellen! 4 00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:41,224 Um, yes, it's Alison Mundy. Thanks very much for calling back so soon. 5 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,139 No problem. Have you worked for the NHS before? 6 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,031 Yes, I was an NHS nurse. 7 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,133 Yes, I was... 8 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,200 (HANGS UP) 9 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,828 Hello? Hello? 10 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,105 Damn. 11 00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:55,967 (PHONE RINGING) 12 00:02:57,244 --> 00:03:01,682 Hello, um, Mrs Caverhill, I'm sorry I don't know what happened there. 13 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,216 Who is Mrs Caverhill? 14 00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,849 - Is that Robert? - How are you? 15 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,186 Erm... I'm fine, I'm actually in the middle of... 16 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,987 I'm just calling about our meeting on Tuesday, about the book? 17 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,197 Oh. Are we going to call each other tossers again? 18 00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:20,723 You called me a tosser. I didn't call you anything. 19 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,179 Well, actually, do you know what, I don't know if it is all right, 20 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,570 because I might have a job interview coming up. 21 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:29,076 All right, well, Wednesday, then. I'll come to you. 22 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,873 I said, I don't know. Do you mind if we leave it at that? 23 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,256 Now, look, do you mind clearing the line 24 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,148 'cause I'm expecting a call any minute and it's important? 25 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,427 Yeah, but, put it in the diary. 26 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:42,515 Robert, you just don't get it do you? I've had enough of this life, this shit life. 27 00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:45,383 These voices in my head are choking me. I 28 00:03:45,407 --> 00:03:47,787 need to do something. I need some normality. 29 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:51,134 Yeah, but what about my book? I mean, are you committed to that still, because... 30 00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,226 Yes, of course I am. But, you know I'm not 31 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,534 just the subject of your book, Robert. I'm me. 32 00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,438 Well, I'll hang up, then. Good luck. 33 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,032 Thank you, bye. 34 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:05,152 ALISON: I was in intensive care for three years, 35 00:05:05,176 --> 00:05:07,601 and then I spent five years working in AandE. 36 00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:12,408 - And what brought you to Bristol, Alison? - A new place, new start. 37 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,804 New life. 38 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,850 - In what way? - Every way. 39 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:23,684 I see there's a gap in your work record here, six months. 40 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:27,159 Yes, I had an accident, a serious one. 41 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:31,995 So I was in and out of hospital myself for six months, 42 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,727 recuperating. 43 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,793 - But you're fully recovered now? - Absolutely. 44 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,503 Good. 45 00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:44,442 Hmm... Well, I can safely say, looking at this, 46 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,207 we'd be delighted to have you. 47 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:50,546 Erm, it's a three-week holiday relief placement to begin with, 48 00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:54,280 but between you and me, our staff situation is fluid, 49 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:59,622 so if all goes well, we may be able to look at something more long-term. 50 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,425 So, welcome aboard. 51 00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:12,765 ROBERT: (VOICEOVER) Possibly Alison, subconsciously, 52 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,968 like other self-proclaimed psychics before her, 53 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:22,111 may be continuing to act out to reward her investigator's interest. 54 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,643 So, the question arises, 55 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:28,451 is it right to continue knowing that studying her 56 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:32,154 might be exacerbating and prolonging her delusion? 57 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:53,672 - Worked in one of these places before? - No, just hospitals. 58 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,187 - A little change of pace for you then? - Do you like it here? 59 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,515 Pays the bills. Er, TV room. 60 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,081 This is the dining room. 61 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,927 They're cramming some more rooms into the attic. 62 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,795 It's a lot of noise and dust and a headache for us. 63 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,145 We have some wanderers who like to go up 64 00:07:15,169 --> 00:07:17,702 there when we're not looking. For example... 65 00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:21,797 Cicely, this is Alison, our new carer. 66 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,070 Hello. 67 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:29,077 Wanderer. Come on, I'll show you who else is who. 68 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:31,747 This is Mrs Havers' room, Nora. 69 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,591 Well, it seems a lot nicer here than any hospital I've worked in. 70 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,993 Don't let the soft furnishings fool you. It's just a hospital with carpet. 71 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,861 Only difference here is that no one goes back home. 72 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,559 This is Jenny's room. 73 00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:53,268 There's no one here. 74 00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:58,003 Another wanderer, I know where she'll be. I won't be a minute. 75 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:30,908 Oh, no. Oh, Josh. 76 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,483 Oh, God. 77 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:43,281 You've got to put your coat on when you go outside, Jenny, you'll catch a chill. 78 00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:52,588 - This is my room? - Of course, Jenny. This is Alison. 79 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,835 She's in my room and that's my picture. 80 00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:57,699 Don't worry, Jenny, Alison's our new nurse. 81 00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:01,400 - I was looking at your grandson. - I haven't got a grandson. 82 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,873 - I'm sorry... - This is my son. 83 00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,304 This is Robert. 84 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,620 Lovely soldiers you do. 85 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:28,134 - Oh? I do them for my grandsons. - All right, let's get your socks on. 86 00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:33,799 I can do that. I can't bend, but I've got a thingy on a stick. Or, I had a thingy. 87 00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:38,504 - Someone's taken it. - Cicely. Hang on. 88 00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:43,743 Oh, not again. Woman's a bloody magpie. 89 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,652 - They never come you know. - Sorry? 90 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:51,282 - His grandsons. - That's sad. 91 00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:52,381 No, that's normal. 92 00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,824 This place is a garage where nice people park 93 00:09:54,848 --> 00:09:57,362 their parents and tell themselves they're happy. 94 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,763 Will you check the day room, see if you can see Cicely? 95 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:02,428 - Yeah. - I'm just gonna check up here. 96 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:06,302 - She's a bit of a klepto, then? - Only if it isn't nailed down. 97 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:12,271 (LOUD THUMPING) 98 00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,145 Cicely. 99 00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:24,656 Cicely? 100 00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,199 (WIND HOWLING) 101 00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,995 (FAST ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES) 102 00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:57,315 (ALARM RINGING) 103 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,681 Oh, shit. 104 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,516 ROBERT: You're looking well, Mum. 105 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,586 Have you seen my dog? 106 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,458 No. 107 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,602 He's an Airedale, he runs off. 108 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,798 - Spike's dead, Mum. - What? 109 00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:24,435 - Has there been an accident? - He died when I was six. 110 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:29,546 Nonsense, he was just here. 111 00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,909 He must be in the garden. 112 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,986 He's probably outside playing with my son. 113 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,108 (LOUD THUMPING) 114 00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,548 (LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES) 115 00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:09,850 (THUMPING CONTINUES) 116 00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:11,515 Can't hear you. 117 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:24,764 Jesus. 118 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,598 (INAUDIBLE) 119 00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:34,646 - What do you want? - I'm not taking your job, am I? 120 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,719 'Cause people aren't usually this hostile 121 00:13:36,743 --> 00:13:39,118 toward me till they get to know me a lot better. 122 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:41,586 Sorry, you just gave me a jolt, that's all. 123 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,452 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 124 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,956 - You'll help me finish up here? - Yeah, sure. 125 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,656 She's hurting. 126 00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:58,363 Her back's crumbling. She takes Vicodin for the pain. 127 00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:02,034 It's not that sort of pain. She wants to go. 128 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,322 Start thinking like that, this job'll do your head in. 129 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,008 I just meant... 130 00:14:07,032 --> 00:14:09,091 I've been looking after Ellen for five years now. 131 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,879 Ellen? Who's Ellen? 132 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,677 Nora. Mrs Havers. 133 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,716 Look, would you finish up here, I've got a cracking headache. 134 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,284 I want to go get some aspirin. 135 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,423 - Coffee? - Yes, please. 136 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,737 Those aspirins that you went outside to take. 137 00:15:01,761 --> 00:15:02,761 Yeah? 138 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:08,174 - What were they? Valium, Librium, Xanax? - Ativan. 139 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,443 - I get stressed. - They weren't yours though, were they? 140 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:13,741 Weren't they? 141 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:17,647 So what is it? A patient dies and you pocket what's left of their prescription? 142 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,965 What, so you've been here two days, and 143 00:15:19,989 --> 00:15:22,553 you're gonna tell teacher on me, is that it? 144 00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:28,121 - Do you do it much? - Much? No, just enough. 145 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:35,067 - Who's Ellen? - Jenny needs her insulin. 146 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,012 Do you wanna do it after you've finished your coffee? 147 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:41,201 Sure. Do you want to pretend that I didn't just ask you about Ellen? 148 00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,443 Ellen was a patient. 149 00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,474 She was this... 150 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,146 valiant, tough person. 151 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,764 Hobbled around on a stick. Loved everything, 152 00:16:00,788 --> 00:16:03,362 apart from her dentures, she hated them. 153 00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:05,625 She was very rude about them. 154 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,837 She especially loved Poppy, her daughter. 155 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:19,044 The sun rose and set with her. She was about your age. 156 00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:24,577 She was hit by a police car on a pedestrian crossing. 157 00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:26,750 Killed her? 158 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,123 All the stuffing went out of Ellen. 159 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,956 Three years wanting to die. 160 00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:43,134 - You can't mend a broken heart. - No, but you can survive it. 161 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:44,693 Which is worse. 162 00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,300 - Settling in all right? - Yeah. 163 00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:53,279 It's like riding a bike. 164 00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:04,188 JENNY: (VOICEOVER) My son came to see me yesterday. I'm so proud of him. 165 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:09,358 What he's become. With his work, with his books. 166 00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:13,930 So clever, such a clever man. 167 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,529 I know. 168 00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:20,835 - What do you know? - Nothing. 169 00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:25,274 (DOORBELL RINGING) 170 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,483 You forgot our appointment. 171 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:45,957 Erm, would like a cup of coffee? I'm useless until I've had a cup of coffee. 172 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:48,695 I'd like to get started, I'm running a bit late. 173 00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:50,868 Okey-doke. I've got things to do, too. 174 00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:54,369 We've discussed the trauma of the train crash. 175 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:59,071 I'd like to hear a little bit about your earlier experiences of the spirits. 176 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:03,139 So aren't you going to ask me how my job hunting is going? 177 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:07,576 - Sorry. How did it go? - I've got a job. 178 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,482 Good. 179 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,790 At Lychgate. 180 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:18,398 And now you're going to tell me you've seen my mother. 181 00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,862 Right. Alison... 182 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,999 let me tell you something... 183 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:32,739 I know our relationship is psychologist and subject, not doctor-patient. 184 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:37,306 But there are similarities and there's this thing called transference which means... 185 00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:40,784 Like when the patient falls in love with the psychiatrist, that kind of thing. 186 00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:43,321 - Yeah, exactly. - Don't flatter yourself. 187 00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:46,188 I know what transference is and this isn't it. 188 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,120 I didn't get a job there deliberately. It wasn't... 189 00:18:49,144 --> 00:18:51,458 There are other nursing homes in Bristol. 190 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,193 - Would you like me to give up my job? - Yes, actually. 191 00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:58,499 Well, no, actually. I won't. 192 00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:01,606 Why should I? I can't. 193 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:10,146 She... She said that she was proud of you. 194 00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:13,849 Of your writing, of what you've achieved. 195 00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:17,651 Alison, my mother hasn't even recognised me for two years. 196 00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:20,784 She still thinks I'm five years old. She looks at me like I'm a stranger. 197 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:21,917 Well, she said... 198 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:25,362 No, she didn't. Listen to me, Alison, it's Alzheimer's. 199 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,999 The body stays healthy and the brain decays. It's not death. 200 00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:32,698 It's worse than death. It's a living death. 201 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:37,306 Then maybe that's the part of her that I'm hearing. 202 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:42,879 - Robert, Josh wanted me to work there... - Stop right there. 203 00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:47,652 Not only do you claim to be in contact with my dead son but... 204 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:53,318 now you're contacting my dead mother, who, just in case you hadn't noticed, 205 00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,985 isn't even dead. 206 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:59,126 See, this is what deluded people do, Alison. 207 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:03,795 They have feelings in their head and they fit it into their pre-existing mindset. 208 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:07,033 Which is what you do for a living all the time. 209 00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:12,808 I thought that you wanted to understand what happens to me 210 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,609 or is that only when it doesn't affect your own life? 211 00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,587 So, same time next week, then? 212 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:23,879 (DOOR BANGING SHUT) 213 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,760 (THUMPING) 214 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:39,671 That bloody woman. She's just ran off with my shoes. 215 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:44,737 I saw her, chased her. 216 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,684 - Where did she go? - Up into the bloody attic. 217 00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:48,908 She knows I can't do stairs. 218 00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,459 Cicely! 219 00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:11,227 Cicely, this is out of bounds here. You might hurt yourself. 220 00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:24,978 Come on. 221 00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:35,125 (CREAKING) 222 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:42,991 Cicely? 223 00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:11,730 Cicely, open the door. 224 00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:13,264 Cicely? 225 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,869 Hello! I'm in the attic! 226 00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:18,863 Hello! 227 00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:43,087 No, please no. 228 00:22:43,796 --> 00:22:45,128 I'm sorry. 229 00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:48,429 Please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 230 00:22:50,135 --> 00:22:51,135 Please. 231 00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:55,171 What the hell is going on? 232 00:23:22,167 --> 00:23:25,968 - I saw somebody go in there. - But there's no one there now. 233 00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:30,606 - It was Cicely. - What? 234 00:23:31,377 --> 00:23:36,145 She just ran past me. She must have doubled back and locked Connor in. 235 00:23:38,717 --> 00:23:39,878 Yeah. 236 00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:49,621 Bag of nerves. Never used to be. 237 00:23:50,729 --> 00:23:53,062 You need to calm down. 238 00:23:53,165 --> 00:23:56,658 - Did you tell her where your mother was? - I didn't even tell her I had a mother. 239 00:23:56,769 --> 00:24:01,298 Come on, I know about keeping a sanitary cordon between author and subject. 240 00:24:04,043 --> 00:24:07,605 Well, let's apply the rational eye, she lives in the area. 241 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,750 There aren't that many nursing jobs around 242 00:24:09,774 --> 00:24:12,118 there. It's not a wild statistical coincidence. 243 00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:15,677 She's not saying it's a coincidence. She's saying it's Josh. 244 00:24:15,754 --> 00:24:19,589 - What? - She says she sees Josh. 245 00:24:36,275 --> 00:24:38,267 - Where do you live? - Southville. 246 00:24:38,344 --> 00:24:41,314 You'll freeze to death waiting for the bus. Come on, I'll give you a lift. 247 00:24:41,413 --> 00:24:42,608 Oh, thanks. 248 00:24:52,624 --> 00:24:55,822 Thanks for not grassing me up to suit boy. 249 00:24:56,962 --> 00:24:59,124 - Right. - I'm not a druggie. 250 00:25:04,803 --> 00:25:09,867 Jude's moved on, and that's great and probably healthy and... 251 00:25:10,976 --> 00:25:13,771 I know the stats on how often couples with an 252 00:25:13,795 --> 00:25:16,677 only child don't survive an early, you know... 253 00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:23,384 Yup. 254 00:25:23,489 --> 00:25:24,855 And of course, 255 00:25:24,923 --> 00:25:29,759 Jude moving on doesn't mean I feel left behind or anything but... 256 00:25:36,935 --> 00:25:38,062 I do. 257 00:25:40,172 --> 00:25:42,767 Here I am, just here. 258 00:25:42,841 --> 00:25:44,605 The House of Pain. 259 00:25:46,278 --> 00:25:49,146 - The House of Pain. - Not a good place. 260 00:25:49,248 --> 00:25:52,082 - No. And she... - She, Jude? 261 00:25:52,151 --> 00:25:55,747 She, Alison, keeps talking about Josh and that... 262 00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:57,852 Stops you moving on. 263 00:25:58,690 --> 00:26:01,751 I still have his Lego. 264 00:26:01,827 --> 00:26:04,682 Bags of the stuff, his skateboard, the Disney 265 00:26:04,706 --> 00:26:07,266 videos. I mean, I've even got his parka. 266 00:26:07,366 --> 00:26:10,564 I don't know why I've still got his bloody parka. 267 00:26:17,476 --> 00:26:18,705 See, I... 268 00:26:20,479 --> 00:26:24,473 I had this beautiful perfect thing, this... 269 00:26:27,319 --> 00:26:31,518 little person, it was my job to take care of. 270 00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:36,119 And I took my eye off the ball for one minute and now I have... 271 00:26:39,198 --> 00:26:40,723 What do I have? 272 00:26:43,202 --> 00:26:46,245 You're a good friend, Barb, but I'm buggered. 273 00:26:46,269 --> 00:26:47,640 We're all buggered. 274 00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:52,135 - That's why talking helps. - Does it? 275 00:26:53,011 --> 00:26:56,311 You remember what Freud said about the talking cure? 276 00:26:57,082 --> 00:27:00,678 He said its purpose was to change hysterical misery 277 00:27:00,752 --> 00:27:03,722 into ordinary human unhappiness. 278 00:27:06,091 --> 00:27:08,822 Ordinary human unhappiness? 279 00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:13,726 Sounds good to me. 280 00:27:33,852 --> 00:27:36,720 - Was that Ellen in the attic? - Ellen's dead. 281 00:27:37,256 --> 00:27:38,952 I know, was that her in the attic? 282 00:27:39,024 --> 00:27:42,517 - Are you on drugs? - We both know what we saw, Connor. 283 00:27:45,063 --> 00:27:48,966 It's not a gift exactly, because gifts are meant to be nice, but sometimes I see... 284 00:27:49,034 --> 00:27:50,470 She's gone, okay? 285 00:27:50,494 --> 00:27:54,029 She's in spirit, Connor, but she's not gone. 286 00:27:54,239 --> 00:27:57,368 Look, I don't want to be rude, but I've gotta go. 287 00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:01,010 No, you don't. 288 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:05,281 She wanted to die. She asked me to help, I said no. 289 00:28:06,285 --> 00:28:09,312 And you think that you should have helped her? 290 00:28:11,256 --> 00:28:15,990 She said it would be a kindness to help her onto the next stage of her journey. 291 00:28:16,428 --> 00:28:18,954 She said that a lot, just like that. 292 00:28:21,833 --> 00:28:26,771 She wore this Saint Christopher round her neck. 293 00:28:28,273 --> 00:28:31,675 She wanted me to have it, I mean, not like a bribe, 294 00:28:31,743 --> 00:28:35,043 but because he was the patron saint of travellers... 295 00:28:37,015 --> 00:28:40,474 and her journey would be over if... 296 00:28:41,853 --> 00:28:43,253 Euthanasia. 297 00:28:49,995 --> 00:28:52,988 Ellen meant the Saint Christopher thing kindly. 298 00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:56,160 But it felt like 30 pieces of silver. 299 00:28:58,036 --> 00:28:59,629 She wanted me to... 300 00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:04,570 help her go to sleep, in her own bed, in peace... 301 00:29:05,611 --> 00:29:09,139 surrounded by her own things, and just... 302 00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:15,353 drift off happily. With no pain, with dignity. 303 00:29:15,454 --> 00:29:18,424 - And did you help her, in the end? - No. 304 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,192 I bottled it. 305 00:29:24,229 --> 00:29:25,959 She did it herself. 306 00:29:27,165 --> 00:29:28,793 Five months ago. 307 00:29:30,235 --> 00:29:32,568 Went out the window of her flat. 308 00:29:33,805 --> 00:29:37,469 It wasn't peaceful, wasn't dignified. 309 00:29:40,045 --> 00:29:42,241 Wasn't a high enough window. 310 00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:49,578 When I got there, she was like some broken doll. 311 00:29:49,688 --> 00:29:54,820 Dress all rucked up, bone sticking out of her leg, underwear showing, 312 00:29:54,926 --> 00:30:00,126 blood and piss everywhere, screaming, just screaming in pain. 313 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,300 It didn't stop until the paramedics got a line in. 314 00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:11,037 It took her six more weeks to die 315 00:30:11,109 --> 00:30:14,477 in some strange hospital bed where no one knew her. 316 00:30:18,450 --> 00:30:19,884 I failed her. 317 00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:22,078 Is that why she's hurting you? 318 00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:23,960 I didn't sign up to be a nurse of death, I 319 00:30:23,984 --> 00:30:25,989 signed up to help people and to care for them. 320 00:30:26,091 --> 00:30:29,721 - You do care. Maybe you care too much. - Can you care too much? 321 00:30:29,795 --> 00:30:33,027 Well, I don't know. You're the one hoarding barbiturates. 322 00:30:33,131 --> 00:30:36,431 You think I'm going to change my mind about the "nurse of death" thing? Relax. 323 00:30:36,535 --> 00:30:41,166 I'm not talking about euthanasia, Connor. I'm talking about self-destruction. 324 00:30:41,239 --> 00:30:45,267 Christ, what are you, the psychic Samaritan? I'm not suicidal! 325 00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:49,872 I got rid of the drugs, I flushed them away after you caught me, all right? 326 00:30:49,948 --> 00:30:53,851 Are you sure? Because I've got a friend, he's a psychologist, 327 00:30:53,919 --> 00:30:55,763 he can set you up with someone to talk to if... 328 00:30:55,787 --> 00:30:58,256 It was making me imagine things. 329 00:30:59,157 --> 00:31:01,683 - There was someone there, Connor. - No. 330 00:31:02,427 --> 00:31:03,918 I've gotta go. 331 00:31:07,165 --> 00:31:10,158 Okay, see you tomorrow. 332 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,679 Just get this straight, Jenny, 333 00:31:29,755 --> 00:31:35,695 and then would you like a bath or we could go for a walk? 334 00:31:35,794 --> 00:31:38,286 JENNY: (VOICEOVER) That was Josh's fifth birthday. 335 00:31:49,274 --> 00:31:51,800 That was a lovely day. 336 00:31:52,210 --> 00:31:54,543 Robert made us laugh so much. 337 00:31:57,649 --> 00:32:00,551 Every year he'd learn a magic trick. 338 00:32:00,652 --> 00:32:04,054 Every year a new one. He'd practise it and practise it. 339 00:32:04,122 --> 00:32:06,091 Just to see Josh's face. 340 00:32:07,192 --> 00:32:09,627 Josh misses those magic tricks. 341 00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:25,301 (FAST ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES) 342 00:32:51,169 --> 00:32:52,603 (PAGER BEEPING) 343 00:32:52,671 --> 00:32:53,866 Quick. 344 00:32:55,774 --> 00:32:56,774 (PHONE RINGING) 345 00:32:59,711 --> 00:33:02,545 - Robert, it's me. - Jude? 346 00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:05,981 Everything's okay, your mother's fine, but she's had a fall. 347 00:33:06,718 --> 00:33:08,311 I'm at Lychgate. 348 00:33:20,398 --> 00:33:23,664 - I was running when you called. Is Mum... - She just slipped. 349 00:33:23,768 --> 00:33:27,000 We've checked her over, and there's nothing broken. 350 00:33:27,706 --> 00:33:29,800 - Excuse me. - Thanks, Alison. 351 00:33:30,709 --> 00:33:31,836 Bye-bye. 352 00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:37,145 Jude, I'll be back in a minute. 353 00:33:40,919 --> 00:33:45,152 Alison, what were you doing in there? That's my wife, my ex-wife. 354 00:33:45,257 --> 00:33:47,954 Because if you were even thinking of telling her about Josh... 355 00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:52,521 Oh my God, what do you think I am? 356 00:33:56,801 --> 00:34:01,239 Josh doesn't need to get to Jude, he needs to get to you. 357 00:34:01,306 --> 00:34:05,744 I'm not this person that goes up to people with an emotional machine gun. 358 00:34:05,844 --> 00:34:09,542 What gives you the right to make these kind of judgements about me, Robert? 359 00:34:09,648 --> 00:34:12,641 Just because you've got, what? Qualifications. 360 00:34:14,152 --> 00:34:18,453 This is unacceptable. It's unacceptable. 361 00:34:29,367 --> 00:34:32,997 I have to tell you these things because of Josh. 362 00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:39,509 Don't you think that I can see what it does to you every time I mention his name? 363 00:34:39,678 --> 00:34:42,671 And don't you think that that makes me feel like shit? 364 00:34:42,747 --> 00:34:45,046 But I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. 365 00:34:45,116 --> 00:34:48,780 Between this little boy, this lost boy and you. 366 00:34:49,287 --> 00:34:51,483 And sometimes it makes me... 367 00:34:53,191 --> 00:34:57,185 I'm sorry for getting upset. I'm sorry, Robert. 368 00:35:01,967 --> 00:35:04,061 I can't even touch her any more. 369 00:35:04,169 --> 00:35:08,231 She stiffens, like I'm a stranger, molesting her. 370 00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:12,608 Sometimes, she lets me touch her when I give her her insulin, 371 00:35:12,677 --> 00:35:16,944 but it's only because she thinks I'm some strange doctor or something. 372 00:35:17,716 --> 00:35:22,313 It's some sort of contact, I suppose. I should make the most of it while... 373 00:35:23,588 --> 00:35:26,285 - Thank you. - What's this? 374 00:35:27,192 --> 00:35:31,926 Just because Josh died doesn't mean I'm not grateful for the happiness we had. 375 00:36:24,916 --> 00:36:26,111 Ellen. 376 00:36:41,266 --> 00:36:43,201 (BUBBLING) 377 00:37:03,154 --> 00:37:04,452 Stop it. 378 00:37:11,830 --> 00:37:13,025 Please stop it. 379 00:37:15,366 --> 00:37:17,358 What do you want with me? 380 00:38:04,849 --> 00:38:07,478 - Where did you put them, Cicely? - Put what? 381 00:38:07,552 --> 00:38:10,181 The pills, out of the staff room. The ones in the cutlery drawer. 382 00:38:10,288 --> 00:38:11,347 I didn't. 383 00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:13,516 You take everything, Cicely. Where are they? 384 00:38:13,591 --> 00:38:14,820 I didn't. 385 00:38:14,926 --> 00:38:16,952 Where do you hide things, Cicely? 386 00:38:19,764 --> 00:38:21,630 Oh, brilliant. 387 00:38:27,372 --> 00:38:29,637 Now, who's got a coin? Anybody? 388 00:38:30,642 --> 00:38:33,043 Okay, hold them out like this. 389 00:38:33,111 --> 00:38:36,309 We're going to find the magic one, okay? 390 00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:42,276 No, not this one. Not these I'm afraid. 391 00:38:42,353 --> 00:38:45,289 Let's have a look. No, not these. 392 00:38:48,126 --> 00:38:51,358 Okay, magic coin definitely. May I? 393 00:38:53,031 --> 00:38:55,466 And you know what magic coins do? 394 00:38:57,335 --> 00:39:00,430 They disappear. You're not impressed? 395 00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:02,705 It's a bit lame that one. It's still in your other hand. 396 00:39:02,807 --> 00:39:04,435 Of course, it is. 397 00:39:06,644 --> 00:39:08,135 Okay, you know what happened? 398 00:39:08,246 --> 00:39:11,273 You knew I'd palmed the coin because it's the oldest trick in the book. 399 00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:13,682 Plus, I told you what to know. 400 00:39:13,751 --> 00:39:15,720 I told you I was gonna make it disappear. 401 00:39:15,787 --> 00:39:18,518 I made you misread the situation. 402 00:39:19,757 --> 00:39:21,885 - So, guess what I found? - The coin? 403 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,623 No, again, you answered too quickly. 404 00:39:24,729 --> 00:39:27,324 You should've taken the time, I did. 405 00:39:29,767 --> 00:39:33,499 See, you were thinking coin trick, but I was thinking con-trick. 406 00:39:33,605 --> 00:39:38,305 You thought this was the point at which the trick took place. 407 00:39:39,410 --> 00:39:42,938 So you stopped thinking further back than that. Which is natural because... 408 00:39:43,047 --> 00:39:46,108 And this is the bit we take down in our notes. 409 00:39:46,184 --> 00:39:48,653 We are designed to think forwards. 410 00:39:49,354 --> 00:39:51,516 The human brain is an anticipation machine. 411 00:39:51,589 --> 00:39:55,424 Knowing that is the key to understanding misdirection. 412 00:39:55,793 --> 00:39:58,490 Don't take yourself down the wrong path. 413 00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:00,804 We have to unpick our assumptions of the 414 00:40:00,828 --> 00:40:03,433 facts to the point we've really been deceived. 415 00:40:04,602 --> 00:40:06,901 (PAGER BEEPING) 416 00:40:08,473 --> 00:40:11,102 Alison, thank you for coming in early. 417 00:40:11,242 --> 00:40:13,473 - Connor's gone AWOL. - AWOL? 418 00:40:13,544 --> 00:40:17,208 He was here, now he isn't. He left without telling anyone. 419 00:40:19,350 --> 00:40:21,251 Mr Keyhoe had an accident. 420 00:40:21,319 --> 00:40:23,049 (BANGING) 421 00:40:23,121 --> 00:40:25,784 - And what's that? - What? 422 00:40:26,157 --> 00:40:27,420 Banging. 423 00:40:27,525 --> 00:40:31,018 There's no banging. The workmen aren't here today. 424 00:40:40,471 --> 00:40:41,700 Connor? 425 00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:49,410 (BANGING CONTINUES) 426 00:40:50,515 --> 00:40:51,515 Connor! 427 00:40:54,085 --> 00:40:55,085 Connor? 428 00:40:56,554 --> 00:40:57,554 Connor? 429 00:41:04,929 --> 00:41:05,929 Connor? 430 00:41:08,333 --> 00:41:09,333 Connor! 431 00:41:15,406 --> 00:41:18,103 - I'm sorry. - Ellen stop. 432 00:41:19,510 --> 00:41:21,035 Ellen, stop it. 433 00:41:21,879 --> 00:41:23,245 Connor? 434 00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,822 Connor... 435 00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:35,619 Connor... 436 00:41:37,795 --> 00:41:40,663 I don't think that Ellen means to hurt you. 437 00:41:48,106 --> 00:41:50,701 It's all right, Connor, it's all right. 438 00:42:17,168 --> 00:42:20,400 - She's gone. - It's okay, Connor. 439 00:42:22,707 --> 00:42:23,970 Look... 440 00:42:24,976 --> 00:42:27,536 this is where Cicely hides her stash. 441 00:42:29,447 --> 00:42:31,746 That's why Ellen was banging. 442 00:42:32,717 --> 00:42:35,687 She wanted you to come up here and find it. 443 00:42:57,041 --> 00:43:00,534 "Dearest Connor, don't be sad. 444 00:43:00,645 --> 00:43:03,410 "As you will see, I've gone under my own steam. 445 00:43:04,348 --> 00:43:07,045 "I will be with Poppy as you read this. 446 00:43:07,385 --> 00:43:10,719 "I'm sorry I tried to make you act against your convictions. 447 00:43:10,788 --> 00:43:15,021 "You were my last and possibly my best friend. 448 00:43:19,363 --> 00:43:22,128 "Forgive me. Ellen." 449 00:43:28,706 --> 00:43:30,800 She died in so much pain. 450 00:43:31,809 --> 00:43:35,405 But she's at peace now. She's gone. 451 00:43:51,329 --> 00:43:54,163 You have her blessing. It's done. 452 00:44:01,005 --> 00:44:03,201 - Hi. - Hi. 453 00:44:04,275 --> 00:44:05,573 Hi, Mum. 454 00:44:06,811 --> 00:44:08,712 Are you the new doctor? 455 00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:12,784 Would you mind if I sat with you for a while? 456 00:44:13,151 --> 00:44:15,848 We were just about to have our jab, weren't we? 457 00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:17,752 Could I do it, please? 458 00:44:19,590 --> 00:44:21,115 It's all right. 459 00:44:23,828 --> 00:44:25,194 Thank you. 460 00:44:27,732 --> 00:44:29,462 I'll hold your hand. 461 00:44:38,910 --> 00:44:42,108 You used to do magic tricks for Josh, didn't you? 462 00:44:43,147 --> 00:44:46,447 She told me that you'd learn a new one every year. 463 00:44:47,485 --> 00:44:49,954 She says that Josh is missing them. 464 00:45:03,568 --> 00:45:06,265 Jenny, let's get your cardigan on? 465 00:45:19,450 --> 00:45:20,941 They, erm... 466 00:45:21,052 --> 00:45:24,853 They offered me a permanent job here, but I turned them down. 467 00:45:24,922 --> 00:45:26,618 - Because of me? - No. 468 00:45:27,325 --> 00:45:30,591 There's too many voices here, too many souls. 469 00:45:31,996 --> 00:45:33,328 I'm sorry.